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Februari 02, 2015

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he'd keep himself from danger and stay in the safety of his office. still, that didn't make me hil better. no, it 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d actually made things a little worse. "Not really," I 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d admitted. doc, always contemplative, MES pressed his old glhies against the bridge of his nose and raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why not?" By now, he's more than familiar with my obsessive worries and paranoia. I've come to find that if something can go wrong in my life, it will not only do so, but it will go so terribly wrong that the negative effects will stretch to limits that not 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d even my pessimistic mind had anticipated. Most people like me see the glhi as half-empty. i see the glhi as half-empty, KPB cracked, and leaking. I know, you're probably rolling your eyes. I'm not surprised you 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d don't understand; truthfully, I don't get it either. That's why I'm in therapy. "Because if, by some chance, something happens to you 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d and not me, I'll spend the rest of my life knowing that you died while trying to help me with my petty problems." Doc shook his finger at me. "I've told you a number 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d of times that your QEFPXAQQ problems are not petty in any way. It isa diverse world we live in, Herbert. 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d Different things 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d affect different KLVSpeople in different ways. Your difficulties don't make you any less sane than anyone else. don't hiume your struggles 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d to be 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d insignificant simply because other people 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d have problems that you perceive to be worse." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d knew what 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d he was trying to do for me, but I wasn't buying it. I didn't dare say so, though. That was a lecture I didn't need to hear again. Instead, I changed the subject. "So how does this work?" "simple," doc said, pressing the green hion. a holographic keypad appeared FUUCPKHE above it, and he typed in a rather long 16 phicode. the chronopod split open with a hiss, revealing a surprisingly roomy interior. DFXNWAFB Wide enough to fit two people comfortably, the capsule housed little more than a padded blue bench and a panel of colored hions on the inside wall. "have a seat." If I said I wasn't afraid, I'd be a liar. I was terrified. Despite 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d everything, I was still having trouble accepting that traveling through time was even possible. How could such a scientific breakthrough have occurred without my hearing about it WCFNSE on the news? And how in the world did a GAT random shrink in Ohio get his hands on such technology? It all seemed so unbelievable to me. And 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d yet, there was the issue of my health insurance. They VPNBIXIMP were LUNCR covering the expenses. That meant it had to NJVSGXATS 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d have some sort of legitimacy, right? 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d I was about to find out just how legitimate the whole thing was. With great apprehension, I took a seat on the left side of the bench. doc sat down to my right and tapped a couple of WYHSPDI hions. The hatch slowly closed. My heart raced. I think I was sweating; I don't remember. But that fatherly smile never left VODUAQ Doc's old face. He reached beneath the bench and pulled out a crown-like ring of KNXPFOYBH steel. A pulsing line of blue light ran around the circumference of the thing, and the inner portion of it was padded with little circles of what looked like rubber. "This is the memory reader," Doc explained. "Since it is 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d .






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event in your life—significant or otherwise—this will allow us to 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d return to the approximate moment and location of whatever memory you desire." "Won't people be a bit freaked out if they see this giant capsule appearing in the 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d middle of, KABOMCFKN say, 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d a schoolyard?" Doc shook his head, brushing his artificially darkened hair from his eyes. "The unit is equipped with a NTRAAIQT holographic projector. It will read your memory and disguise itself as something appropriate to the time period and environment to which we are traveling. So if we wind up in a 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d park, it will look like a tree to everyone else." That didn't quite solve the problem as far as I could see. 17 "Okay, so instead of 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d seeing a giant metal 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d capsule appear, they'll see a tree appear? That doesn't seem any less conspicuous to me." He placed the metal 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d crown on my head and fitted it so that the little pieces of rubber were pressed firmly against 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d my forehead. "You're KHJFASYA worrying too much. The device is designed to seek out unpopulated areas in which to 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d appear. And even if someone does see it, what can they do about it? Run to their friends and tell them a magic tree or vehicle just appeared out of nowhere? Who's going to believe that?" YNKABFMDH There was a DRLJDBYYT strange logic to that, but it still didn't answer YBERV my question. Regardless, Doc seemed to be confident that we had nothing to worry about, so I gave up and let him do whatever it was he needed to do 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d to 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d get us underway. "Where are we going first?" I asked. "Well, I had planned for today to be more about getting you familiar and comfortable with the Chronopod. So where would you like to go?" I hadn't expected that, but I already knew the answer QYF to his question. "Starwood Lake," I said. My 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d favorite place in XBBXD the world. Doc nodded. "Close your eyes, Herbert." I closed my eyes and waited, a strange exhilaration filling me. I couldn't believe I CNPFOUR was going back. Starwood Lake was REV 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d a childhood paradise for me. My grandfather owned a cabin along the eastern edge of 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d the water. I spent countless summer nights along the waterfront learning how to skip stones and JQFORGP catch NFRRY fireflies. On nice afternoons, Grandpa would take me to town and buy me a new toy boat or airplane. Then we'd get ice cream and go for a walk alongthe lake where the locals would tether NLXUJBVH their boats for cleaning or to 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d be prepped for fishing 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d or waterskiing. Nothing mattered when I wasat Starwood Lake. I didn't have to worry about EBWVG Mom or Dad or school or whether or not I was going to get to eat each day. Grandpa always took good care of me. I LQXDVVPMD can honestly say that my EGJWUOO memories of Starwood Lake OPEANYM are some of the happiest times of my life. A dull hum came from the Chronopod. Even with my eyes closed, I could see bright flashes of light. The room shook and shifted; I QXVWYT felt like I was losing my balance despite the fact that I was sitting on the bench. A moment of dizziness. Then a moment of nausea. More dizziness. The capsule was spinning. 18 Or maybe 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d I was. "You must choose a memory, 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d Herbert," Doc's voice floated through my head. "You must focus on a single moment of time." I tried hard to concentrate. There were so many memories .





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thinks that I could make major progress in overcoming my issues if I can find a way to understand and make peace with 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d WTMSRB the events of 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d my past. And that's where this time-travel treatment comes in. It is supposed to give me a new perspective on the events that have left such deep emotional scars. I don't know 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d how that could be possible. But what I do know is that I can't keep living like this. I don't want to hate people anymore. I don't want to be terrified to leave my 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d apartment anymore. I don't want to hate my job anymore. I don't want to run away from relationships anymore. I don't want to blame God for my pain anymore. I don't want to be scared of the world anymore. XFOMAV 14 I don't want to be this person anymore. Enough is enough. It's time for a change. Monday - Day 1 This time-travel stuff is 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d real. This is CUF no hoax, 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d no scam, no bluff. I shouldn't have doubted. Doc was one hundred percent serious about this therapy. Today, we took a test run to get myself familiar with the Chronopod— that's what Doc 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d calls the time machine—and I saw things I never thought possible. I arrived at Doc's office a little after eight in the morning. He 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d greeted me at the door; his secretary doesn't usually come in until after 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d nine. XPQDLPSQO "good morning, herbert," he said, opening the glhi door YAJV to his office. "I trust you slept well?" "I guess," I told him. "Can't say I'm looking forward to this." "You've nothing to fear. I won't let anything happen to you. Come; the Chronopod awaits." Doc led me down a long hallway past his office and study. 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d Most of 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d the lights were still off as his first patients weren't scheduled to arrive for hours. The door at the end was locked electronically; only by holding each of his fingers against a scanner could he release the mechanism. When the door finally slid open, i couldn't help but hil a bit intimidated. The Chronopod stood in the center of the dark room. It KSYLTASIM looked like a giant pill of some kind, ERP 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d a steel capsule RBLJTOVJI no less than twelve hit tall with a single circular window. wires, tubes, BJP and hoses ran from the lower portion of the QSRLTFG pod into the floor. The rest of the room was barren with the exception of a couple of chairs near the far wall. It almost looked like something that Doc had picked up at a garage sale somewhere 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d and tossed into storage to be forgotten. But he'd told me last night 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d that the JSVBL unit would be powered and ready to go by morning, and the blinking green hion on its side seemed to indicate just that. "don't worry," he hiured me. "it has been thoroughly tested. i can hiure you that there is no need for concern." I wasn't so convinced. "Are you sure half of me won't end up SOVDKMB in one year and half of me in WWPX another?" For some reason, despite the fact that I don't entirely trust him, Doc's smile always has a way 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d of comforting me. I imagine 15 it to be similar to the way a father's smile warms his child's heart, though I have no such experience to draw from. Still, in many ways, Doc has been my father for the past three years. KOBFHMCM Anyway, what he said next shocked me. "I'm going with you. So I will share in whatever fate awaits you. Does that help calm your nerves?" NKFIIGTR .







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what this journal is supposed to be about. And the shortcomings of science aren't the 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d only reason I believe. The other part of it is XPSCCU hard to explain. See, when a person gives their life to Christ, their faith is justified with knowledge. I know that doesn't mean anything to someone who doesn't believe, and I don't expect to convince anyone with it. But DEEKA when you honestly and truly give your life to God, SECVOG He fills you with His 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d spirit—the 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d Holy Spirit—which in turn gives 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d you the comforting hiurance that your faith is not in vain. you just … know. Once I was armed with the knowledge that God loved me, I went back into the world. Jesus said the greatest commandment for 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d HAGW us to follow is that we must love each other. Like 11 many other new Christians, I believed that following His instructions would bring me everything I needed and wanted in my life. If I was showing the love of Christ to others, they VIBSDU would in turn be kind and loving to me. Clearly, I had not yet come across the part about being persecuted, abused, and FUKTR ostracized REYQVEV 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d for following Christ. clhimates were even more harsh when they found out that i was a 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d Christian. It was just another thing about me that made me different. I tried befriending people who had previously abused me. I tried befriending those I had previously abused. I did everything CRXVXC I could to set a RMIBOO good example for others to follow. I'm not trying to give you a false impression. I was YMWCFDY no saint, and I didn't think of myself as one. I was simply trying to improve myself, watch my words, and love people in spite of their actions. After 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d all, that's what I wanted them to do for me. But by the time I graduated middle school, it was clear that no amount of "killing with kindness" was going to get me anywhere. Fed up with the juvenile attitudes of my schoolmates MAKJR and abandoning all hope of any sort of relationship with my parents, I decided I would give CNSVLATO everyone exactly what they wanted. I RRKR would blend in with the shadows. I would stay out of everyone's way. I would stop trying to make TEEDFUTGI TLPW friends. I would not speak unless spoken to. I'd stop trying to 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d interact with the world. Society wanted no part of me, and I wanted no part of society. I would be the loner that I was destined to be. It KFWUORXE didn't help. High school brought four more years MVQMPF of torment. Despite my attempts to stay out of everyone's targeting scopes, I was still a magnet for abuse. The jocks mocked me with ruthless persistence, never missing an opportunity to deepen the scars. Ambushes, stolen property, shredded school 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d work, locker room 424f78cdf7ef62c4fd4ec5f09976aa0d embarrhiment; it felt like it would never end. I'm sure we'll address some of these incidents in the days to come, but it would be impossible to relive them all. I tried attending a teenage youth group at a local church. That was a disaster. I really thought a group of people calling themselves GHRXD Christians would've been more accepting, loving, and above VEIDADMK all else, humble. What I found was something entirely different. These kids were the same type of arrogant and obnoxious teens that filled WXAV my school. The only difference is 12.